Bad Ju-Ju
by Rheasq
Here it is, 2016. It’s not as if it’s the whole 60 days. Anticipation begins Memorial day. The first hurdle, June 3. The last, July 11. Not really a whole two months. But my life is no longer on linear time and June/July feel like a lifetime.
Unless you’ve put on my big sweaty shoes, and there would be no reason to do so, no, you would’t know.
2016. We would have been married 30 years. Early retirement would have been the conversation du jour. He’d have been 60. I would have worked a few more years and then a rollicking 24/7 us.
Instead, a life barricaded with guilt and anxiety and loss and history.
It’s not as if strides haven’t been made. Progress has indeed been charted. Milestones met. Moving ahead. Things and times, they are a-changing. Everything but me.
Taking a few moments last night on the deck, in the corner of my eye he came through the shaded side yard, and before my eye could even register, my heart knew. As I turned to greet, gone. But I knew. I know.
Bad Ju-Ju, made better.
mantisphiles 
This is really elegant writing, making our/my experience more palpable,
more real. The lonliness, the love, the loss. What else is there?
Rhea, you are extraordinary in so many ways, not least of which is your fierce transparency. God is with you every step of the way.
Hi Rhea – You have been in my thoughts recently. First for all the great plantings you suggested to Bob last year – they are all thriving. Second for a new restaurant – Nelly’s – near the 48/725 intersection in Centerville. Great Bolivian food and atmosphere, and reasonable! Then there’s all your great FB posts about dogs. These reminders of you come from your life-giving, nurturing, and healing ways. Your writing today reminds me that your heart holds many experiences, and no doubt some of what makes you so life-affirming to those of us around you has come at great cost to that tender heart. Thanks for sharing. You remain in my prayers.
June26 – from “Jesus Calling.” Staycalmly conscious of Me today, no matter what. Remember that I go before you as well as with you into theday. Nothing takes Me by surprise. I will not allow circumstances tooverwhelm you so long as you look to Me. I will help you cope with whatever the moment presents. Collaborating with Me brings blessings that far outweigh all yourtroubles. Awareness of MyPresence contains Joy that can endure all eventualities. Psalm 23:1-4 NKJV; 2 Corinthians 4:16-17
Connie Sent from my iPad
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