Back to the Future

by mantis-philes

In many ways, I feel as though I am being expelled from Eden.  Since 1999, we ripped and dug and managed and dreamed a blank slate into a personal paradise.  Every plant, every shrub, every piece of hardscape selected, positioned, nurtured to create a sanctuary for us, for birds, all comers.  We created an Arboretum.

2008 was the beginning.  Most of the hardscape was in, but plants were immature.  Bones were fleshing out , making their presence known.  Suddenly, it was no longer a series of disparate plants and beds.  For the first time, there was the appearance of a plan.  There was a sense of place, of organization, of thought process.  9 years in the  making.

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Long bed spring 2008arbor 003Terraced bed summer 2008 West bed with alliums summer 2008 Monarda summer 2008 Summer 2008 Helianthus and friends summer 2008Peony America spring 2008USB 011South end long bed 2008close up south end 2008Peonies spring 2008

It took 10 years for the garden to explode, just as the beginning of the end made itself known.  Unbelievable health, color, insects, birds. A decade of sweat, wishes, dreams and yes a lot of coin, coming to the party.

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2010 proved to be the second best spring yet.  Taking a note from the high points and low points of 2009, I moved stock around, tucking here and there, editing, expanding.  Roses that never bloomed before cut loose in 2010.  So beautiful.

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Then came the fall from grace, followed by indifference and then drought.

When I began this blog in 2011, my intention was to write primarily on the natural world around me, or unnatural if that is how one defines gardening.  My gardening experiences, my passion for plants, for beauty, for letting go, letting nature.  My passion for an organic lifestyle.  So much has gotten in the way, and on the journey something was lost.  All those gardening passions missing in action.  Although I have been admonished for writing about too much sadness, it has been cathartic, healthy.  It has helped me excise those wounds too deep for the public to see, purge the poison.  But now I am ready.  Ready to get back to the future.

As I prepare to leave this languishing Eden, I look forward to finding the place on earth I can call mine.  A place where I can look back to the hard work and choices of a decade or so and cherry pick for my plans for the future.  Apply the results and lessons learned in 2009 and 2010 and create my personal Eden.  My place of rest and respite, peace and contentment.  I am older now and no longer the warhorse I used to be, filling entire days with farm work without rest.  I will have to be kinder and gentler on myself, not be too impatient for results.

I want this back, in my future.

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