Cocoon

by mantis-philes

So here I am in 2013, having followed in the footsteps of Margaret Roach, Martha Stewart’s lieutenant, in leaving corporate life.  Margaret’s book, And I Shall Have Peace There, became an inspiration to me, on a much smaller scale.   

I have launched into several projects both intentional and unintentional, broadening my handyman chops.  I learned to use the pnuematic nailer which scared me to death.  But in twenty minutes a project I had dreaded for months was off the list.  I am a convert.  Pnuematic forever!

I started sorting through detritus in the basement, but this has proven more difficult than I had imagined.  Living history, or more like dead history, surrounded me and even though I did what all organizers recommend – throw away pile, keep pile, goodwill pile, it’s been like moving through jello.  Small, hard victories.

I’ve torn apart the foyer and hall closet and started painting, had new can lights installed. Sorted through old coats, the one I can’t part with a full length black leather trench from our first Christmas.  I had put it on layaway and paid it off with my $8 an hour job.  

The garage door opener malfunctioned and I had to figure out why.  Didn’t figure it, but in the meantime accidentally pulled it off the track.  Had to use the truck to haul it back, using the steel cable tie out I normally use to put the dogs outside.  American ingenuity?  It works now, but I’m worried about the aftermath.  Need an expert to take a look, make sure that it won’t collapse down around me some night pulling into the garage.

More importantly, I am cocooning. I feel the protection and the security of this house.  I have been rediscovering myself.  Cooking and baking like I did back in the day before stress got in the way.  I get up every day with a handful of tasks and address them without worry, without hurry, without judgement, without resentment.  

I have signed up for the local gardening conference and the county’s master gardener program.  I am actually looking FORWARD to what I will be doing.  I started feeding the birds again.  Victories.  

I have taken to opening the Bible in the morning and reading a passage and thinking on it. Some of it has way too many begets and begats for me to find relevance.  The other day I got stuck on Proverbs 15 verses 1 – 10.  This was me, this was my cross.  Making sure that the words of my mouth and the sentiments of my heart are right and just. (I can be a mouthy broad, but if you think I am bad you shoulda heard my brother!)  I have been re-reading these verses for a week, absorbing, encouraging the seed to germinate.  The Bible is left open on my breakfast bar in the kitchen so as I drink my coffee I can read a passage.  This morning, the Bible was turned to Psalm 127.  The last I looked it was on Proverbs 15.  Gale force winds in the kitchen last night?

 Psalm 127 – Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it;  unless the Lord guards the city the watchman keeps awake in vain.

It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.

Thank You for my cocoon, for my cocoon time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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